


So I would choose to be with you

by Arvi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Episode: s15e18 Despair, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, One Shot, Post-Canon, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, SO MUCH FLUFF, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, probably going to be AU in two weeks but we need fluff now, with a smattering of angst but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arvi/pseuds/Arvi
Summary: SPOILERS IN SUMMARYCas is back from the Empty and it's time for a chat with Dean about what has been revealed.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 254





	So I would choose to be with you

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe it? It's canon!
> 
> Now we're all despairing right now, as we are meant to according to the episode title, but in my world everything's fixed and Cas is back. So have fun!
> 
> A big thank you to Georgia for the beta <3

**So I would choose to be with you (that's if the choice were mine to make)**

When Castiel woke up, he was surprised at this fact alone. It was safe to say that he had not expected to wake up ever again. He had made his peace with this fact, had truly been happy to give his life for Dean's.

Cas hadn't opened his eyes yet, hadn't even moved a muscle. He was lying on a soft surface, a bed? The Empty wasn't soft. He carefully opened his eyes.

The lighting was dim, coming from a small lamp in the corner of his field of vision. The roof was familiar, it was the roof in so many of the bunker's bedrooms. The bunker?

He shot up. He was in Dean's bedroom. He recognised it, the weapons on the wall, the nightstands with the lamps. Dean. Dean was sitting on a chair, next to the bed. He was asleep, in a position that really couldn't be comfortable.

Was this real?

Or was this just a trick the Empty was playing on him?

He should wake Dean. How else was he going to find out?

Dean. Dean knew now.

Dean knew Cas loved him. Knew how much Cas wanted him, how much Dean had changed him.

He cleared his throat, and Dean woke up.

"Cas!" Suddenly Dean was at his side, touching his shoulder, making sure he was in one piece.

For the first time Cas paid attention to himself. He wasn't in any pain, didn't seem to be injured in any way. He was wearing the soft t-shirt and his boxers he normally wore underneath his suit, so someone had obviously changed him out of it to ensure his comfort.

Dean was hovering. "Cas...", he whispered, his voice nearly breaking, "Don't you ever do that to me again, okay?" There were tears swimming in Dean's eyes.

"Hello, Dean. What happened?"

"Everyone died. Then we fixed it. Chuck's nothing to worry about anymore. Empty's empty again, all the angels are back in Heaven, fixing things up."

Dean took a deep breath.

"You can go to Heaven, to the angels if you want. They're going to clean up their act. But I'd rather you stayed here." Dean paused, taking another deep breath, his hands tightening and crumpling the sheets. "Stayed with me. It's your choice, but I want you to stay. I've always wanted you to stay and I never asked you to." Dean wasn't looking at him, instead focussing on his hands. 

Dean wanted him to stay?

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Cas cleared his throat again. "You want me. To stay? You've always wanted me to stay? You, for Jack?"

"No. Not for Jack, though he missed you too. For me. Cas, you said you loved me. Said you had truly wanted this but you thought you couldn't have it, right? By that, you meant a relationship? With me? I'm not misunderstanding things here, right?"

Dean rubbed the bridge of his nose and swallowed heavily.

Dean wanted him to stay. For Dean, because of Dean. This sounded like maybe, just maybe Dean wanted him.

But that couldn't be, right? Not after so many years. He couldn't have wanted him for all this time. Cas had once told Dean that he deserved good things. Dean was so full of love, for everything, could he truly love Cas himself too? And not as a brother, as he had once said, but as something else, something that was not platonic? Could Dean yearn for Cas's presence as Cas yearned to be by Dean's side.

"No, Dean, I meant just that. I love you."

It wasn't like he could go back from this. He had told his truth, and he was happy to have shared this with Dean, but that didn't mean he wasn't nervous now.

Dean had the power over him, to break his heart. Cas had considered the option that Dean would send him away if he ever found out about Cas' feelings, but it really didn't seem like that would happen. It seemed as if Dean might even feel the same.

Dean's eyes flickered to Cas's lips. Cas felt his heart stuttering, his breath catching in his throat. Dean's tongue darted out of his mouth to wet his lips and Cas felt his eyes being drawn to his mouth. He wasn't entirely sure who had started leaning in, or how Dean's hand had come to cradle his face ever so tenderly, but Dean's lips were on his, and it was everything he had never dared to imagine.

When they pulled back Dean was smiling, and Cas felt the corners of his own mouth turning up as well, with no conscious decision of his own. He let out a breathless laugh. This was actually happening, he couldn't believe it.

There was so much love in Dean's eyes, all directed at him. His smile was slightly sheepish, and his thumb was softly wiping a tear from Cas' cheek that Cas hadn't noticed either.

"In case that wasn't clear already, I love you too. Have for years, really. I thought you knew, everyone seemed to see it."

They were still so very close, facing each other on Dean's bed.

What was he even meant to say to that?

"I tried to tell you in Purgatory, but you interrupted me. You said you wanted to be with me. You can, I want the same."

"Dean. Yes. Of course I want to be with you. I have chosen you time and time again, Dean."

They were both grinning and crying at the same time. Years and years of choosing each other, losing each other and getting each other back. Years of ever so slowly spiralling closer to each other with every sacrifice, every stupid choice and every apology.

Cas kissed Dean, again. He could do that now, whenever he wanted to. The thought had him smiling into the kiss, allowing Dean to instead start peppering the rest of his face with kisses. He had thought he had been happy giving his life for Dean, finally speaking his truth, and he had been, otherwise the Empty wouldn't have come, but this, this was bliss. Cas could have happily stayed in this moment forever.

But instead he leaned back against the headboard, pulling Dean with him, finally holding him so very closely. Dean buried his face into the crook of Cas' neck and Cas found himself breathing in the scent of Dean's hair. Personal space certainly didn't seem to be an issue anymore, he thought giddily.

"What did you mean, everyone seemed to see it?"

"Huh?", Dean looked up, "Oh, yeah, well. There have been people saying things for years, 'the one in the trenchcoat who's in love with you', 'when Castiel laid a hand on you in Hell he was lost', I've never been able to forget those. Mildred could tell I was pining for you, this old lady we met on a case. Hell, even those kids making a musical off of Chucks book had us kissing."

"So, you knew I loved you?" Cas swallowed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Dean sighed. "When should I have Cas? It seems like you were always gone, or possessed, or the world was ending, or I was going to sacrifice myself and I just didn't know. Part of me couldn't believe an angel would fall for me."

"I did, fall for you. For the world, but because of you."

"I know that now, Cas, though it still seems surreal. I know you love me, and you know I love you. I thought you knew before, heard it in my prayers, or read it in my mind. I wasn't always the most subtle, to be honest."

"You said I was like a brother to you." It still didn't quite make sense to Cas. He hadn't known. Hadn't believed it. He had known Dean cared for him to some extent, considered him family, but he had refused to believe his feelings could be reciprocated.

"Hah, yeah, I chickened out. Also, I wasn't going to confess my love just to die on you, that's a shitty feeling. I don't think I could have gone to sacrifice myself if you'd kissed me, if you'd asked me not to."

Cas kissed Dean, trying to put all of his emotions into the kiss. "Don't sacrifice yourself ever again, I couldn't bear the thought of a world without you."

"Pot calling the kettle black here, buddy. You told me you loved me specifically in order to sacrifice yourself to save me. Did you honestly believe I would be alright? I was a mess every single time I thought you were dead, just ask Sammy. Or don't, probably better not to. Just don't leave me anymore, please." Dean's voice broke on that last word.

"I won't." It was a promise. "And I'm sorry, I didn't see any other way. I didn't know, you seemed fine when I saw you."

"Of course I seemed fine when I saw you, you were back!"

That was a good point. They had never actually talked about any of this before, they'd never had the time.

"Much as I'd like to stay here cuddling you, Sam and Jack missed you too, you should say hi. Eat some food. I need a shower and some food as well."

Cas' arms had tightened around Dean at those words, but he knew he, his lover? Not yet. Boyfriend? That didn't seem like enough. The love of his life, his partner, was right. It didn't seem like any time had passed for him, but that wasn't the case for everyone else.

"How long was I gone?"

Dean looked up. "Not very long, really. A week? It seemed longer, certainly."

"Then let's go. The sooner I say hi to everyone else, the sooner we can get back here."

Dean's laughter caught him off guard. Cas didn't think he'd ever heard Dean laugh so freely, so without a care for anything else.

"Good point." Dean kissed him again before moving out of Cas' arms and getting up. He stretched, and Cas felt his eyes being drawn to a small sliver of stomach that showed beneath the old Zep t-shirt Dean was wearing.

Dean was his now. Dean loved him, and he had put that stunningly beautiful smile on Dean's lips. Dean's eyes were lit up in joy because Cas loved him.

Cas got up and took the jeans and flannel Dean offered him. They smelled like Dean and were soft.

"Your suit was still a bit bloody, it's in the laundry."

"That's fine. It might be time to retire the suit anyways."

As Cas was getting dressed he noticed Dean kept looking at him, smiling. Dean stood by the door, and once Cas was all dressed Dean extended his hand for Cas to take, which he gladly did.

Dean's hand was warm and dry, calloused from the years of fighting and hunting.

They walked down the hallways of the bunker, hand in hand. Dean only let go of Cas' hand when they entered the kitchen, where Jack and Sam jumped up.

"Cas!" Jack's shout was all he heard before having an armful of the young man he considered his son. Sam joined the hug when it was clear Jack wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

"It's good to have you back, man. To have everyone back," Sam said.

"It's good to be back," was Cas' answer. "You're not getting rid of me again anytime soon."

Dean had apparently wandered over to the kitchen shelving in the meantime, and was brandishing a knife.

"There's something else we need to do. You are family, both of you. It's beyond time your initials were on the table too."


End file.
